Christmas Eve, 2012

[I wrote this on Christmas Eve, 2012] The theme song of Star Trek The Next Generation, Susan’s ringtone, starts to play. Kim answers the phone. “Uh, hello?” Who could be calling from Susan’s phone? The phone is on Kim’s desk where it’s been since Susan died, exactly three weeks ago. Caller: “Hi!” Kim: “Um, who’s this?”

Should have been

Today, August 2, 2013, Susan should have been 56 years old. Instead, she died of cancer seven months and one day ago. By next month, she might have told you she was 57. She always aged herself a year, almost a year in advance. Sometimes she thought she was actually turning a year older than […]

So much loss

So much loss. Every day. Every day: she still isn’t here. It occurs to me I should take a picture of her crocuses to show her…later. I’ll show her later. It gets later and later. She still isn’t here. I try to do as we mourners are told: “live in the moment.” In that “now,” […]